Out into the Wilderness

It’s Holy Week, and tomorrow is Maundy Thursday. We’ve got a break in school for Easter, because my college is a Catholic College. Countless fellow students are headed home to their families to spend time with them and partake in that yearly (often bemoaned) celebration of Easter.

But me?

Tomorrow I’m headed out into the wilderness, with little more than a tent, sleeping bag and bible. I’ll take a good, long drive south of here and enter into a more wild part of the state, where I hope to set up camp and spend the entire weekend devoted to prayer, meditation and communing with God. In a sense, I guess it’s a camp trip with God.

Ideally, I’m hoping to spend time contemplating Christ’s passion, death and resurrection. I’ll also do a great deal of intercessory prayer for everyone I can think of. I’m going to bring many questions and issues to God, too–but also I just want to spend time with the Lord–doing things that I suppose I’d do with that absent love: stargazing, conversation by the campfire, watching and appreciating nature–perhaps a hike, if I can find one that’s simple enough. I want to be away from all distractions of modernity and business–just taking time out to spend time with my God.

I truly believe that He’ll reveal Himself to me this weekend, as I’ll be seeking him fervently. I’m eagerly anticipating it, almost to the point of being giddy.

It’ll be simple, and I won’t pack much. I’m planning to bake some homemade bread to take with me for the four days, and a good deal of fruit. I’ll pack quite a bit of water, as well. Other than that? Well, I’m considering bringing my guitar and my camera–but I’m not sure if even those would be too distracting. I’ll definitely bring my Bible and a journal to write in to record whatever I might hear the Lord telling me and whatever I might learn through the experience. I’m anticipating moments of agony and moments of overwhelming joy and I can’t wait for every bit of it.

I’ll return on Sunday to celebrate Christ’s Resurrection with my church family … coming out of the wilderness to celebrate that He is risen. I hope to have a new appreciation and understanding of what that means by the end of this weekend.

This year I don’t want Easter to simply come and go without a flourish, and I doubt that it will. This is the first Easter in which I can say that I love God, and that changes everything. With my love of Christ real and abiding in me now, it has created a strange dichotomy: I see commercial Easter and Christ’s resurrection as two completely different things. Not once in this season have I thought of Easter eggs or Easter bunnies, or those little marshmallow sugar abominations called peeps. It’s odd how much my heart has been changed since January when God really started moving in my life, and I feel as though the only thing I’ve really done to change things is to respond to what He’s doing, and by seeking Him. Everything else that has changed has been completely through Him. It’s truly amazing.

This Easter, I truly want to “die” with Christ–that is, I want the “old me” to pass away … the me who was so desperate for love and acceptance from the world and was so very selfish and sometimes even hateful. I want to be “resurrected” in Him–that is, I want to emerge from the wilderness this weekend with a heart full of God–standing on His faith and acceptance, and full of His love. I hope to emerge ready for whatever He’d have me do. I hope to emerge fully in love with the Creator and Redeemer. When I join my church family joyfully this Easter, I want to be a completely new creation.

I feel like I finally have the right mindset for Easter–a mind set on God and a heart set on loving Him.