Blessed to be a Blessing

As is my custom at the end of the year, I sat down on the floor of my apartment on December 31st, about a half-hour before midnight, and I prayed. I thought back on 2015 and I thanked YHVH heartily for all of His blessings–which have been in absolute abundance. 2015 marked a year of prosperity for me: I got a new car, my very first apartment all by myself, a paycheck from my full-time job that provided for it all, a part-time job that I enjoy, the emergence of my Dad’s non-profit organization for helping Veterans; and to cap it off, a brand new computer provided by my extremely generous Christmas Bonus. My grandmother, who was on her deathbed, was given by God another chance to live. And on the spiritual front for me, 2015 was a red-letter year: With the help of Yeshua (Jesus), I toppled the idol of security that He revealed to me and really truly began to trust in YHVH Jireh–the God who Provides. My health improved greatly in 2015, and for the first time in my life, I’m really starting to understand who I am as unfettered by the constraints of what a lover, denomination or society thinks of me … instead, I am coming to accept and understand who I am in Christ. And of course, 2015 saw my becoming a Torah-Observant Christian … turning my spirituality upside down in the most glorious of ways. In observance of Yom Kippur, I reached out to those with whom I was in broken relationships and did all I could to mend those relationships, and in that, received healing. I reflected on YHVH’s pronouncement over 2015–“Order out of Chaos” and saw all of the amazing ways that came to pass. Yes, the chaos of the whole of my adulthood was stilled–just like Yeshua calming the storm on the sea of Galilee–and YHVH made order. Thank you, Lord. Thank you. 

When He spoke those words into my heart on 31 December 2014, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what that meant. But I will say, being on this side of it, that it meant more than I could have ever imagined. That the blessings of 2015 were tenfold what I could have expected. That my cup overflows. He is so generous. So kind. 

I’ll admit that I didn’t really hear much this year … at first.

I found myself saying throughout last year, “Lord, I don’t deserve this. This is too much.” I began to feel guilty for my blessings. I mean, I saw the suffering that so many other people were going through. But for me, the blessings kept coming. I guess part of it is that we live in a society that teaches that we’re supposed to feel guilty for being blessed. Do you have a roof over your head? Yeah, well–most people in the world don’t have that much. Society tells you that your reaction is to feel guilty. I’m not so sure that’s biblical.

Of course, we should be humble and full of gratitude for what we have. We shouldn’t take our blessings for granted–even the tiniest ones that we take for granted. Our toilet water is cleaner than most people’s drinking water around the world. How amazingly blessed are we?

And of course, in all of this guilt for my blessings, God gently spoke into my heart. It was through the story of Abraham–the father of our faith. God pronounced incredible blessings over Abraham, but then He told Abraham not only that he would be blessed, but that he would be a blessing. 

Ah, there’s the rub. In being blessed, God wants me to give to others. To be a blessing to others, so that they can see the goodness of God. And (in the words of Leeland & Brandon Heath’s “Follow You“) how could I not give it away so freely?

So, I think that’s what God’s heart is saying to me over 2016. As much as He has blessed me in 2015, I think He’s calling me to take a step closer to Him and be a blessing to others. Blessed to be a Blessing. I will have to pray over this, and ask Him what that looks like. With the election this year and the refugee crisis, I have to wonder where He’ll lead me this year. Wherever it is, it will be good. Help me, Lord, to be a blessing.

 

 

“Follow You”
By Leeland and Brandon Heath

You live among the least of these

the weary and the weak

and it would be a tragedy for me to turn away

all my needs you have supplied

when I was dead, you gave me life

how could I not give it away so freely?

 

And I’ll follow you into the homes of the broken

I’ll follow you into the world

I’ll meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God

I’ll follow you into the world

Use my hands, use my feet

to make your kingdom come

to the corners of the earth, until your work is done

’cause faith without works is dead

and on the cross your blood was shed

so how could we not give it away so freely?

And I’ll follow you into the homes of the broken

I’ll follow you into the world

I’ll meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God

I’ll follow you into the world

And I give all myself
And I give all myself
And I give all myself to You

And I give all myself
(Lord, I give myself)
And I give all myself
(Lord, I give myself)
And I give all myself
(I give it all) to You

And I’ll follow you into the homes of the broken

I’ll follow you into the world

I’ll meet the needs for the poor and the needy, God

I’ll follow you into the world

New Year, Same God

Well, it’s 2013–and here’s my obligatory New Year’s Post. 🙂

First off, I think it’s a good idea to look back on 2012 and assess it.

For me, 2012 was an incredible year. It will go down in my life as a “red-letter” year … it’s the year in which I really, truly started following God with all of my heart. It’s the year in which God broke my idols, set my captive heart free and called me into His courts.

2012 brought with it a break-up, a reunion and the end of my long battle with depression. I spent Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday in the wilderness on a personal retreat. 2012 saw some powerful works of the Holy Spirit. It saw my graduation from college, and a move which has me more than convinced of God’s providence for me. It was truly the end of a big chapter of my life, and brought me to the cusp of a new, exciting (and even somewhat frightening) chapter .

Spiritually speaking, I learned about what idols truly are. I learned how to listen to God and hear Him. I learned that my heart is good. I learned how to engage in spiritual warfare, and how to pray in the spirit. I learned just what it means to worship, and experienced just what “glory” is. I learned a little more about how to love my neighbor and how to cultivate the fruits of the spirit. I learned  how to go about forgiving. I learned the power of intercessory prayer and faith. I’ve seen miracles happen, blessings imparted and hearts of stone turned into hearts of flesh.

Standing on that cusp of this new year, I just have to look back and stand in awe of what an amazing, wonderful, loving God we have.

So, now on to 2013–I’m more than convinced that God has even more blessings, trials and words for me this year.

My hopes for this year? I’m hoping to grow even closer to God–a need that (thankfully) will never fully be culminated. There’s always more to know, more to learn, more to experience with God. But thankfully, He’s always the same. That’s one of His attributes that I’m really learning to love dearly. In a world in which nothing remains constant, God does. Everything else is in chaos, otherwise, it grows stagnant. God does neither, and I just love that about Him. He’s always doing a new thing, but HE never changes. That’s a rock that I cling to wholeheartedly.

Ah, yes–but back to my hopes for 2013. I do hope to grow in love for God, but also for others (always one of the most difficult commands for me, I’m afraid). I hope to learn how to have audacious hope and faith. I hope to hear Him more clearly as well. I would also love to see Him set more captive hearts free and have the honor of doing some of His work. Above all, though, I hope never to become complacent. I don’t want to go through the motions at all–I really want to seek His face, and I want to find a community of others who are doing the same. My biggest Christmas Wish this year was to find a community of people who believe that God still speaks to His people, who believe that spiritual warfare is real and who want to support each other through prayer and counsel. Not people who want to “play church.” Not people who love Christian Culture–people who love Christ.

I asked the Lord what His theme was in my life this year. His answer? To bring me out of my timidity. To fill me with courage and strength.

He’s already started working on that one, let me tell you. I’m excited for the blessing that comes at the end of this trial. Either way, though–I know He’s up to some pretty incredible things, and I’m waiting in joyful anticipation for what’s in store.

What is God’s theme for your 2013? Let this be a Red-Letter year for you, too–and follow the one who love you so dearly! He CAN set the captives free, He WILL heal your infirmities . Let God lead the way this year, and see what wonderful things are in store for you.