Seasons

As the seasons change from winter to spring, I’m reminded of the seasons in my life. It’s odd to see how these seasons have coincided with similar situations in my life–having just passed through a season of death, my spirit is awakening into a season of renewal, of growth–of blossoming. It’s a season of great beauty for me, and I stand in awe of God’s glory in it. The heart has thawed and I have prepared it through breaking its soil and making it more fertile–and inviting the Lord to come and plant whatever seed he will, and praying that it’s a seed that falls on good soil. I’ve broken the road, cleared away the rocks and brambles, and I pray that it takes root.

It’s a season of waiting. I’m learning to desire as He desires, learning to love Him. It’s not natural–it’s supernatural. Sometimes I forget the desires of my heart, and they surface every now and then. How I miss being loved, and loving someone in that special, intimate way that only lovers do … and often I wonder if it is His will for me to ever love or be loved like that again. Of course, in my own humanness, I truly hope so. It’s the desire of my heart.

I have to believe that if it IS His will, that He is preparing me to accept His abundant gifts. Not a counterfeit, not something that merely looks like a blessing but is a weed in disguise–but something abundantly beautiful. Perhaps I’m not ready to accept that sort of extravagant love that God has planned for me yet. Now that I’ve given my life to Him, I trust Him to prune where He will and make the decisions that will lead me to a fruitful and abundant life. And though sometimes I yearn for the little family I’ve always wanted, I have also learned to accept His will in the matter. It’s not always easy, and those are the times that I pray for His help.

I will wait upon the Lord, and grow in His strength. I have great anticipation for His plans in my life, regardless of what they are. I know that they’ll be amazing.