Becoming.

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted. It’s not because God has been silent–in fact, far from it. It’s that my spiritual life has been revolutionized.

Scripture talks about moving from drinking the “milk” of the basic Gospel to eating “solid food”–(1 Corinthians 3:2, Hebrews 5:12) … to advancing in our understanding of the deeper matters of faith. To becoming.

I feel strongly that I have been advancing in this way. Perhaps I’m not on to “eating” full-on steak, but I’ve been heartily feasting on the “mashed potatoes” of scripture.

And it all started with a seed.

The seed that was planted so many years ago has taken root and sprouted, and it has manifested itself in the growth of my faith into what is known by many today as “Hebrew Roots.” Although I am hesitant to align myself with any particular creed, it’s useful to describe my beliefs. In a nutshell, I am returning to the faith held by the apostles shortly after the resurrection and ascension of Messiah–before Rome and other influences stepped in.

What does this look like? Well, for starters, I follow the laws of the Torah. What that mainly means is that I observe YHVH’s feasts and appointed times (I no longer observe Christmas or Easter), wear tzitzyot (tassels) on my garments, abstain from pork and other unclean foods, I strictly observe the Sabbath on the 7th Day (meaning Friday from sundown to sundown on Saturday) and I don’t wear or purchase men’s clothing. I’m still learning the Torah and growing in the teachings, but these are the main ways it has affected my life. And so much for the better .. the fruits of these simple things have been astounding, and my relationship with Christ has grown exponentially.

It started, most appropriately, on Shavuot–the day of the giving of the Law, and of the fulfillment of that feast–the day that the Holy Spirit was given to the world. I had decided a few months earlier that I would like to celebrate God’s appointed times–the idea had always made since to me. I wasn’t really planning to change a whole lot about my life, other than adding these observances to my usual celebrations throughout the year. How could adding more holidays possibly be a bad thing? I figured it would help me to understand more about God. I didn’t realize what an understatement that would be.

So I sought guidance on the matters from people who knew what they were talking about, and they provided. I was all set to celebrate Shavuot–and that’s when illness struck.

My throat had been sort for about a week leading up to Shavuot. I really didn’t think a whole lot of it. Usually I would get a sore throat a few days before a cold, so I figured I just had a cold coming on. Wrong. The sore throat got worse and worse, and eventually, on the day before Shavuot, it evolved into a monster earache, too. And on Shavuot proper, as I tried to muddle my way through the celebration, it struck me down with so much pain that I was delirious–calling out to God to save me from the immense agony I was in. Luckily for me (or more likely a blessing from God), some friends came to my rescue and ended up taking me to the Urgent Care Center down the road where I was given a shot, antibiotics and some serious pain meds. It turns out that I had a very, very serious case of Strep Throat.

When I returned home, I could do very little but rest. After I had slept all that I could, I turned over to my nightstand in somewhat of a daze and began to read a book that my kindly friend had sent me when I had requested more information on God’s Appointed Times. It was his very own book that he had written about the observance of the Torah (“Backwards” by J.S. Clark). The more I read, the more awake and alert I became. And I felt as though my spirit was in agreement with all that I had read. I devoured the book once through, and then again. If what was in it was true, the implications were vast. After that, I prayed earnestly–asking God to reveal to me if it were true. And I felt peace … followed by a voracious appetite for scripture (which, by the way, has really never been the case for me … reading scripture almost never comes easily for me). I read through the Torah with new eyes (perhaps eyes to see?). For the first time in my life, the words of Psalm 119 resonated in my heart: “My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times” (v. 20), “Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors” (v. 24), “Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight” (v. 35), and so on. When I was well enough to leave the comfort of my bed and apartment (which was the very next day), I literally saw the world through new eyes. It was as though it was a new world.

So my life changed on Shavuot. Not only do I keep the appointed times (as well as I can; I’m still learning), but I keep the Laws. It’s certainly easy to live a “Set Apart” life this way; I experienced a sense of separation from mainline Christianity. With my tzitzyot dangling from my undershirt, I get a lot of questions. I turn down a lot of plans on Saturdays that involve commerce. None of these things have caused me sorrow. Inconvenience, yes. Sorrow, no. Everyday when I put on my tzitzit, I remember who I belong to and who I serve … and in that, who I am. This past year, since that Shavuot, I have come into an understanding of who I truly am, in Christ.

I know a lot of people who are critical of religion, which is understandable. When they see me observing the Law, they see bondage, but I see freedom. They often wonder how I could possibly have my own identity apart from the statutes that God put forth, but for me, I have found my identity–apart from my relationships, my idols, my crutches–these are the things that have usurped who I am. When I set my sights on the Lord and became determined to follow His ways (even if that meant giving up bacon, Christmas and my beloved Foo Fighters shirt that I got from the men’s section at Target), I truly began to live. That’s because I made a conscious decision to put nothing before my God. Do I still stumble? Sure, that hasn’t changed. That’s why Christ came–among a myriad of other reasons. But in the end, it has allowed me to see what God has for me–which is who I truly am. My identity in Him. Myself as He meant me to be.

Never have I been more myself, and I am pleased to say that I am both surprised and happy with who God has revealed me to be. It is freedom.

Since my life has changed, I have been fairly steadily growing in faith. I have been becoming.