It’s another season of coming out of the valley and being among the mountaintops. The air is clear, fresh and I feel close to God. But not before having clawed my way with bloodied fingertips to the top … having slid down rock faces and seeking refuge in crevices, through rain, fire and ice. And now I’m reaching the summit, only to realize that it’s a false summit. The mountain continues to reach into the heavens. And now I know that it will go on forever.
As I’ve done for the past few years, I started out the year with God. I prayed in the New Year, sanctifying my living space and myself, worshiping and asking the Holy Spirit to fill myself, my domain and my life and to speak into the new year His will. And I listened for a theme. This year, I heard the spirit of God say, “Order out of Chaos.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief.
My life has felt like nothing but chaos since I left school, and even when I was in school, I still felt like I was being tossed by the waves … but in the shelter of a boat. After school has been like being capsized from a vessel and into shark-infested waters. Nothing seems certain and control is a concept I’ve completely abandoned. Who even knows where I’m drifting off to in troubled waters? I’ve just been treading water and bracing for the next wave. (Interestingly enough as I typed the previous sentences, I’m listening to iTunes and I heard the following: “… Have you heard of the one who calmed the raging seas?” Thanks, Phil Wickham.)
Goals. Goals are something I’ve come to think of as worldly. I’m not saying they are, but it’s funny how God seems to disregard them sometimes … and so much for the better. But when our human senses are disturbed by the divine, it leaves us to feel like we have quicksand under our feet. But I guess it’s like that old hymn says: “On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand; All other ground is sinking sand“. It’s funny how such things seem so disconnected until the Holy Spirit brings light to them. Even now as I type this post, I can feel things aligning and coming into light … my thoughts becoming clearer and clearer. Order out of Chaos.
Out of all of the tumult of the past few years, I’ve definitely been learning to lean on God. I’ve learned the meaning of “Firm Foundation.” And all of the books I’ve read, all of the studies I’ve done, all of the knowledge I’ve collected–it amounts to nothing beside the things I’ve learned through faith and walking (or sometimes swimming) in the Spirit. Relinquishing our control puts us in the amazing assurance that God is in control. And when He is in control, chaos is managed. The seas are quieted.
Early into the year, I sat in my little prayer corner with my prayer journal in my lap and I didn’t know where to start. I felt so overwhelmed by the task of connecting with the Great I AM.
I’m excited for the thought of what that might mean. Will He give me a goal? Will He reveal a mission or a ministry? I’m not sure, but I know that whatever it means, it will be glorious.
Open the Eyes of My Heart 